


Do I Wanna Know?

by beratings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Friendship, Series, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:15:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beratings/pseuds/beratings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An abusive boyfriend leaves Castiel in the hands of John Winchester, who ships him off to Bobby's like he had done ten years before with his own boys. Castiel meets Dean and things take a turn for the better. Dean realizes what a strange man Castiel really is and takes a liking to his new found friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_Castiel Novak woke up in his own bed, in his own home. He sat up straight and noticed the other side of the bed was empty. He couldn't bare to think about where Fergus had gone, he actually couldn't bare to think of Fergus at all. He ran his fingers over the side of his bruised abdomen, it was turning purple now and he could barely look at the foot shaped marks that paraded across his pale skin. He stood up, wincing at the pain, and pulled the sheets up. He looked at the pillow case. Blood. He flipped it over quickly. More blood. Hurriedly he took the pillow off the bed and threw it in the clothesbasket before walking to the bathroom to examine his face._

_He had dark circles under his eyes and an even darker bruise forming on his cheek bone. The side of his neck was bleeding, most likely from Fergus digging his nails into Cas as he attempted to strangle him. He ran the tap, a dark colored washcloth made the water splash around the sides of the small sink, he brought it up to his neck pressing lightly and wiping most of his own dried blood from his pale skin. The wound opened back up which made him worry, light trickles of blood seeped down to his undershirt, he grabbed a gauze holding it to his neck and covering it with a large bandage. This was going to be hard to lie about, but he didn't need to go back to work for another two weeks and hopefully the scars and bruises would be well healed before then. He heard the distant shrill of the telephone ringing and practically fell down the stairs trying to get to the damn thing. If it was Fergus he would be angry about having to wait. But thankfully it wasn't._

_"Hello?" Cas said hoarsely into the phone, last nights activities having most likely bruised his vocal chords as well as the skin. His voice as at least 3 octaves lower than it usually was._

_"Cassie? Are you alright?" Gabriel's concerned voice came through the line. He sounded as if he knew, but he never let on that he did. Even when Gabe saw the yellowing bruises across Cas's arms, he never said a word._

_"Yes, I'm fine Gabriel." He said simply before walking to the kitchen. "Have you heard from Fergus? He wasn't in our room this morning, I'm not sure where he went."_

_"No, I haven't heard from man who's been beating you to a pulp every evening for the past year." Gabe stated simply, letting the acidic tone of his voice come through the line._

_"Stop, Gabriel." Cas said angrily, feeling the well of shame build in his chest. "Please."_

_Gabriel sighed heavily into the phone. "I wish you would just leave him." He said quietly. "He hurts you, and you don't love him anymore, he knows you don't that's why he's lashing out."_

_Castiel felt a tug on his heart. He knew he should leave. An abusive boyfriend was one thing he promised himself he would never stick around for. He knew what happened in domestically violent relationships and he didn't want to see the end. "Yes. Well. I must be going now." Castiel said shakily._

_Gabe's tone changed. "Is he there? He's there isn't he."_

_"No, Gabriel." Cas said, though he distinctly heard the garage door opening, and the sound of tires rolling into the driveway. "I've got to go."_

_"I'm coming tomorrow, have your things ready. I'm taking you out of that place and away from him."_

_Castiel stiffened feeling hands on his back. "Honey, I'm home." The thick accent and deep raspy voice came next to his left year and a big hand ripped the telephone away from Castiel and threw it on the ground. "What did I tell you about having the house ready for me?" Cas whimpered slightly, feeling the thick hands grab him by his already sore arms and shove him into the wall. "Castiel, answer me."_

_"I'm sorry. Gabriel called. H-He worries when I don't pick up." Castiel stuttered out keeping his eyes locked on the ground. Suddenly he was flying into the hall, his body ached from head to toe as he finally landed with his head propped against the wooden floor. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

_Fergus stepped closer. "Damn right you're sorry." He said calmly before walking over Castiel, ignoring his pleas._

_The phone was still off the hook, Gabriels distance voice was calling out for Castiel and he barely even registered that his brother had heard the entire interaction. No use hiding it now._

_"Gabriel. Please come get me today. Bring Luci and Michael." He said before hanging the phone up and thinking of his big brothers coming to save him. Though, Luci and Michael were never interested in playing along with Castiel's homosexual tendencies, he knew they would come if he were in trouble. Wouldn't they? He asked himself._

_No. They won't come. You're garbage._

_I'm not garbage._

_Why do you think you can't get a decent lover? Everyone either fucks you and leaves or fucks you and beats the living shit out of you. You're nothing._

_Castiel willed his inner monologue to shut the fuck up for once, and to his surprise it worked. He didn't need clothes or any of his things, he hadn't had a cell phone and nothing else here seemed more important than his life. He would buy new things. New clothes. New movies. Whatever he wanted, once he was away from Fergus._

 

 

 

_\-------------_

_The knock at the door sent Castiel flying to it. He saw four figures before he opened the door and registered everyone. A tall man with dark hair was there, he looked gruff and angry, and then there was Gabriel with a sorry look on his face. Michael with a sneer, as always. And Luci looking amused by the entire situation._

_"Where is this asshat?" The man said angrily as he stepped into the house. He seemed like he didn't want anything to do with this lot, but he was there anyway._

_Gabe leaned over to Castiel. "Sorry about the crowd. That's John. He works with Michael, he said he'd come lend a hand if he needed to. Figured we'd need all the help we could get."_

_Castiel was already shaking his head. "No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just take me out. Just take me away from here, he can't know, he's in the shower I left him a note. We have to go now." He pleaded, feeling the tears come to his eyes and sting. Luci's voice snapped him out of it._

_"This guy really did a number on you." He said simply, twisting his little brothers face around to look at him. Michael laughed obnoxiously._

_"Little Cassie can't defend himself anymore."_

_"Shut up, Michael." Gabriel's hard voice came. All amusement left in his eyes, he was only livid. "I listened to this asshole throw your little brother around earlier, and you can't even pretend to be concerned? I don't know why I asked you to come."_

_The tall man was standing there baffled by the family talk before he spoke up. "You need a job, son?" He said to Castiel with his eyebrows raised._

_Cas looked at John. He looked nice even through the hard exterior. He nodded._

_"Great. I got a friend up in Sioux Falls that owns a salvage yard. Fixes up cars. He can take you in until we get you a better place to go. Let's get outta here." He said to the others before stepping past all of them and walking to the truck outside. Michael and Luci went to their respective cars, both expensive and shiny, while Gabe kept Castiel tight by his side._

_"I'll loan you some money for new stuff. However much you need, anything you want, you got that? Anything." He cracked a smile suddently. "I'll even spring for one of those dildo's you used to hide in your closet."_

_Castiel's face went beet red as he climbed into the car wearily, ignoring his brothers jokes before he closed his eyes. As they pulled out of the drivway, Castiel watched the second story window drapes open slightly to reveal a half naked Fergus with a stunned look on his face. His dark hair was wet and he began pounding on the window, leaving streaks from his hands behind. Cas heard the faint sound of him screaming, but John, thankfully turned the radio to classic rock. Castiel leaned his head back and started to doze._

 

 

 

_\-------------_

_Castiel woke suddenly when the car stopped. How long was he out? He felt panic rising in his chest before he turned to see John staring back at him and Gabe on his other side. He let out a sigh of relief._

_"Here we are." John said stepping out of his car. Castiel and Gabe followed quickly._

_John walked around the back pounding on the door before stepping back. "Bobby! It's Winchester, open the god damn door."_

_A rough voice came from behind the door. "Dad?" The voice asked as the piece of wood swung open._

_The boy was tall, around Castiel's age; early twenties. Dirty blonde. Green eyes, and perfect teeth. His forehead was covered in dirt and sweat, he wiped a hand over it. "What the fuck, dad." He said angrily_

_"Watch your tone, boy." John said straightening up and glaring at his son intimidatingly. "And that's 'sir' you stopped calling me dad when you were little and you know it."_

_The boy clenched his jaw, and opened the door, staring daggers at his father before turning._

_"Bobby? Visitors." He said simply before pushing past Cas and Gabriel and walking around the house. A large man in a trucker hat and a plaid shirt walked over to the lot from what seemed to be the study room._

_"John. Who're these fools?" He said looking pointedly at Castiel and Gabe._

_"Bobby. The small one just got into some trouble at home. A boyfriend or something beat the shit out of him. He needs a job."_

_Bobby sighed and wiped a hand over his brow then turned to Castiel._

_"You got any experience?" He asked._

_"Yes, sir. I've worked on cars since I was younger, I'm also very trained in bookkeeping." He said simply, standing straight._

_Bobby nodded and motioned for them to come inside as he turned around. "Until those bruises heal you can work in here. Organize my shit and do it good, I don't need to be losin' any more clients." He said gruffly before pulling John aside._

_Gabriel gently brought his arms around his brothers shoulders. "I'm sorry I didn't get you out sooner." He said before turning to the door and walking outside. Castiel didn't follow. He didn't want to follow. He sat at the desk in front of him and began looking at papers, going through old client records, and new client records, and date books, and everything that was scattered messily in front of him. He stood up, planning on asking Bobby if there was any specific way he should start organizing, when he got to the door he heard the last snippet of their conversation._

_"... I understand leavin' your boys with me, that's a given, you're out there and you're grievin' and you're doin' all you can do. But it's been ten years, Johnny. You abandoned your boys, leavin' your eldest to care for your youngest and that's not a very fatherly thing to do." Bobby's gruff voice was quiet and angry._

_Castiel heard John sigh. "I'm leaving, alright, Bobby? I'm going. This wasn't a visit to see my sons, it was a visit to help a poor guy that was in a bad spot."_

_Castiel cleared his throat. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but is there a restroom I could use?" He asked politely, shelving his question about organization for the time being._

_Bobby nodded before stepping out of the room giving John a glare. "I want you gone, and soon. Don't be stoppin' to see Sammy either. He's doin' good, and it's taken both the efforts of me and your eldest to get him where he is." John swallowed and nodded walking in the direction of the door. "Sorry 'bout that, boy. Let me show you around." He said with a warm smile._

_Castiel finally felt safe, finally felt somewhat like this life wasn't a bad Lifetime movie. He followed Bobby to the guest bedroom, listened intently as he pointed to each room separately. Finally they got to the bathroom. "Go on and take a shower, I'll see what clothes we have around here. Don't take too long either, only so much hot water we can spare." Castiel nodded before stepping into the bathroom gingerly._

 

 

_\-------------_

Dean startled when a short figure walked into the garage. He heard the clear of a throat, and slid himself out from under his Impala.

"Hiya, Dean right? I'm Gabriel, call me Gabe." He said with a grin. He held out an envelope. "This is for my brother, Castiel. He's going to be staying here I believe, and I told him I'd leave some money. But I don't think he wants to see me currently. Could you give it to him?" 

Dean nodded taking the envelope quickly and shoving it into his pants pocket. He watched as the short man walked out of the garage and down to the truck, his fathers face was already glowering behind the windshield. 

Dean watched the old truck pull out of the driveway from the garage. He scowled. 

Bastard.

Fucking bastard. 

Stupid fucking bastard.

The voice inside his head continuously insulted his own father before he pushed out of the garage and down the driveway, between old cars and to the sidedoor, opening it angrily.

Bobby's voice yelled from the kitchen. "Watch the door, ya idjit. I'm not payin' for another one." Dean rolled his eyes and walked to the counter. 

"This is for the Cas guy. Where is he?" He asked flatly.

"Shower. Put it in the guest room and get out here. I wanna have a talk." Bobby said, keeping his eyes on the sandwich he was making. 

Dean huffed and walked to the guest room, laying the envelope on the bed before walking out and turning to his own room. He needed out of these disgusting clothes, now. He threw his shirt across the room and then took his pants off as well grabbing a pair of old sweatpants and an ACDC t-shirt. He walked back to the kitchen slowly, dragging his feet purposely across the ground as to waste time. 

"Sit." Bobby said simply. "I said sit, boy, are you deaf?" 

Dean sat in the rocking chair and listened.

"I don't want that brother of yours knowin' about today. If he asks who Cas is you tell him he's an old friend of yours from high school that needed some help. If he doesn't believe you, make somethin' up." He said gruffly, holding his hand up to stop Dean from interrupting. "You know how Sam was when you first got here. He was scared. He lashed out and you know it. We don't need another repeat of that, he doesn't need to know about your father." 

"Bobby, he's not gonna believe shit I tell him. But I'll do it. What's this guys problem anyway? Drugs or something?" Dean asked curiously, glancing behind him to see that the bathroom door was still shut. 

"Abusive boyfriend, apparently. Kid's got more bruises than you can count." He said before sitting at the table with his sandwich and a beer. "Don't go sayin' nothin' about it to him either. Let him talk when he needs to talk and let him be alone when he needs to be alone. No use scarin' the boy more than he already is."

"You know, you call a lot of people "boy" for not wanting to sound old." 

Bobby threw a balled up napkin at Dean's head and chuckled. "Watch it, ya idjit." He said with a grin.

The bathroom door creaked open cautiously and Dean glanced back to see the pale man in nothing but a towel around his waist. He stood up quickly and walked over, taking Cas's clothes from him. "Come with me, I have some clothes you can borrow." He said simply, not saying anything about the boot shaped bruises along the mans back, or the handprints on his arms and around his neck. He led them to his bedroom and threw Cas's clothes in his dirty hamper before tossing a pair of boxers, a pair of sweats, and a KISS shirt onto the bed. "Did Bobby show you where your room is?" 

Cas nodded. 

"Good. I'm Dean. My brother is Sam, he'll be home from school soon. Don't mention my dad around him." Dean said, glaring. "I mean it. He doesn't need to know about his father stopping by and not staying long enough to see him." 

Cas nodded again and cleared his throat. "I'm..." He started but quickly lost his train of thought when Deans eyebrows rose. "Thanks." He said simply before picking the clothes up from the bed and leaving.

Weird guy.

Double weird.

Triple weird.

Alright, cut it out.

He's pretty cute, Dean-o.

His inner monologue had a knack for making things significantly more awkward, as Dean stared at the other mans ass covered only by a thin towel. He scowled and walked to the door. 

Dammit, he is cute. He thought to himself before closing his door and turning on his favorite record. Back In Black blasted through his room as he laid on his bed making the guitar sounds with his mouth as he brought out one of his books. 

 

 -------------

Dean woke up a few hours later, his book laying on his chest and his record skipping, signalling the end of the tracks. He got up and turned it off before opening his door. He glanced down the hallway to see Castiel sitting in the kitchen at the table with a sandwich in front of him and Bobby nowhere to be seen. 

He walked over there yawning. It was dark out, and apparently Dean had slept most of the day. 

"Where's Sam and Bobby?" He asked through his yawn and grabbed a beer from the fridge, sitting across from Castiel. 

"Sam came home and Bobby took him out shopping for school. They offered for me to go with them but I'm not really up for people seeing me this way." He stated calmly, his blue eyes never leaving Dean's green ones.

Damn, he is very attractive.

Screw attractive the boy's a Greek God.

He snapped himself out of his mind to clear his throat awkwardly. "Do you... uh... Wanna talk about it?" He asked suddenly, feeling the heat reach his cheeks. Great. Blushing like a fucking bride, good one Dean. He internally scowled at himself before turning his attention back to Cas who looked positively scared out of his wits.

"I..." He started. "I was in an abusive relationship which, in turn, costed me my self worth and dignity, along with giving me some bruises and cuts. I will live though." He said simply before staring down at his food.

Dean dropped it for the time being. "You like cars?" He asked to change the subject.

Castiel looked up suddenly and nodded. "I have a 1967 Chevy Impala out back. When you're done eating I can show you. She's gorgeous." Dean said with a smile tugging at his lips.

Castiel glanced down at his food once more and then back up to Dean. "I'm not very hungry anymore." He said simple before standing up and putting the plate full of food into the fridge. 

"Great, I'll show you now then." Dean said awkwardly, grabbing his beer and leading them out of the house. They stopped by the garage and Dean turned to Cas.

"You ready?" 

Cas nodded. 

Dean opened the garage door and lead them in. 

Castiel stood, looking at the car blankly before stepping forward. He ran his hand over the hood lightly, feeling the slick metal beneath his fingers. He turned to Dean. 

"This is beautiful." He stated before turning his attention back to the car.

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes once more.

_Dammit Castiel._

_Always crying like a child, of course you're going to cry now. It's a car, stop being a baby._

He turned back to Dean. "Fergus never liked old cars. He didn't see the beauty in them." He said feeling his chest clench as he said his boyfriend's name. Ex boyfriend. Ex boyfriend's name. He reminded himself.

Dean was suddenly very close and he had no idea how it happened. He brought an arm out, resting it on Cas's shoulder, feeling him shy away slightly before stilling underneath the light grip.

"Fergus is a dick name." Dean said with a chuckle. Cas looked at him stunned, and Dean felt maybe that wasn't the right thing to say.

Suddenly Cas was laughing. Loudly, wildly. He hunched over and rested his hands on his knees laughing before he stood up, giggling to himself and leaning back slightly. He nodded. "Yes. Fergus is a dick name." He said with a huge smile. A genuine smile, a smile that was realer than any of the smiles he had faked in the past year. 

He was going to like it here. 

 


	2. The Start

Cas shifted awkwardly after his laughing fit, he glanced up to see Dean's nervous eyes on the door. He watched as the other man cleared his throat quietly. 

"So, what did you do before everything went downhill?" Dean's rough voice came then. Cas met his eyes and bit his lip

"I'm a journalist." Cas said confidently before deflating slightly. "Was. I was a journalist." He added shaking his head. "Fergus really... Really fucked my life up." 

Cas didn't enjoy talking about his home life, nor did he enjoy talking about the things he had been through with his ex. He didn't really enjoy talking that much at all, now that he thought about it. He had grown up in a house of firm believers in the "Pulls yourself up by your bootstraps" way of life, and every little problem Castiel had was looked down upon by either disgust or pity. He hated both. But with Dean, there was no pity in the mans eyes, only understanding, and something else. Something Cas couldn't quite put his finger on. 

"The guy sounds like a major prick, I mean, he just... He sounds like a prick." Dean stuttered out with a smile before clapping Cas gently on the shoulder. "Don't worry, alright? Bobby's a good guy, and Sammy and I, we'll make sure you get upright again. It'll take some time, but we'll make sure." He said confidently.

Cas felt better, he felt the small glimmer of hope in his chest again, something he thought he had lost ages ago, years even. He smiled at Dean. 

"I'm feeling a bit hungry now." He said quietly. "I think I'll go inside and finish my dinner." 

"Wait." Dean's voice came as Cas turned around. "We can go out or something, I mean like... Shit... Like I can get you fast food. The crap Bobby calls food is all disgustingly healthy, come on it'll be good for you." 

Cas turned around with his eyebrows raised and cracked a smile, nodding quickly. "Yeah... Yeah alright." He said with a laugh.

Careful Castiel, don't get too excited, he probably only wants to bone.

Great, Cas thought to himself, the inner monologue is back with a vengeance. 

Oh, shut up. 

No.

Well, it'll be your loss when you don't listen to me. He'll probably just fuck you a few times and get Bobby to kick you out, then where will you go?

Shut up.

No.

SHUT UP.

He climbed into Dean's impala, watching Dean eye him strangely before getting into the car next to him. 

"So, what kind of food to you like, Cas?" Dean asked with a wide smile. A smile that made him look like a teenager. 

"Anything is fine. I enjoy burgers." Castiel said quietly looking down at his lap.

"No way? I know a great joint down town, I'm a sucker for a good burger, man." Dean said enthusiastically.

Oh, look he's already sucking up to you.

Cas made a face to himself out the side of the window. Dammit, he thought to himself, this isn't the time. He looked back over to Dean. 

"Do you have any music?" Cas asked hopefully. Dean nodded and jammed in an old cassette tape. 

Loud rock music blared through the car, and Cas smiled, nodding his head to the beat as they drove out of the salvage yard. They drove in near silence, with only the car radio to really get them by. Dean was smiling the whole time, the smile that made him look so much younger, Cas was beginning to have a thing for it. Cas suddenly turned to him with a grin. 

"Tell me about your brother." He said simply, reaching to turn the volume down slightly so he could hear Dean's voice.

\-------------

July 12th, 2015. 

_Cas rose from his and Dean's bed. He had heard Adam crying from the room down the hall. He yawned and walked to the doorway._

_"What's the matter with my precious angel?" He said in a light voice as he stepped toward the crib, still wearing only his pajama pants and a white sleep shirt._

_"Da-da" Adam whimpered. He was only just learning to talk, but the word still tugged at Cas's heart. He smiled._

_"You want your daddy don't you?" He said quietly before picking the baby up, cradling him against his chest and walking to the steps._

_"Sweetie! Someone wants to see you." He called out, smiling as he turned the corner to the kitchen._

_The first thing he saw was red. Pools of red. At first he thought he was having one of his long lost nightmares, the nightmares that had been gone for years, until he saw his husband sprawled on the floor, clutching his shoulder._

_"Dean?!" Cas yelled stepping forward, keeping Adam tight to his chest as he got to his knees. The blood soaked through the fabric quickly as he pressed his free hand against the gushing wound._

_"Cas, call the fucking cops, dammit." His husband growled angrily and Cas stood up grabbing the phone off the hook and dialing quickly._

_"Hello? Yes, hi, my husband has been stabbed, we live at 1741 Gerald Drive." Cas tuned the voice out before kneeling at Deans side again. His left shoulder was soaked in his own blood, and Dean looked pale and broken. Cas pressed his hand to Dean's shoulder once more. Adam whimpered into Cas's neck._

_"I'm f-fine, Cas. Let me see Adam." Cas shook his head protectively._

_"He doesn't need to see you like this, no."_

_"Cas, if I die and you're the reason I didn't get to tell my mother fucking son goodbye I will haunt the living daylights out of you."_

_Cas shook his head and clenched his jaw. "Dean."_

_"Cas." Dean whimpered. Cas saw the tears growing in his eyes. "Cas, I don't want him to think I don't love him."_

_Cas felt a wave of fear wash over him. "He could never think that, Dean. I would never let him think that."_

_\-------------_

Present time.

Dean talked about his brother, the admiration in his voice was amazing. He talked about how smart he was, how cunning and talented, how devoted and patient he was. Dean loved his brother and it was so completely obvious. Cas felt the stab of jealousy for Sam. He wanted his older brothers to love him like that. Wanted Luci Michael and Gabriel to try and protect him and keep him safe throughout his life. But he knew it would never happen. 

Dean pulled up to the side of the restaurant and ordered for the both of them. The works. Cas was pleased. Dean tossed the bag to Cas after taking his burger out and parked along the small river behind the restaurant. 

Cas ate slowly, mesmerized by how good it was to have actual food in his stomach. 

"This is the best burger I've ever had in my entire life." He said, moaning around another bite. Dean watched him smiling. 

"Yeah, I knew you'd like it." He said with a laugh before turning fully around in his seat to face Cas. "Tell me about your family."

Cas swallowed hard and smiled sadly before looking back at Dean. He twisted around as well, in a position mirroring Deans.

"Well, there's Michael, Luci, Gabriel. Those are my older brothers. Michael is a dick, he works with your father. Luci is also a dick and works for the same branch in a different department. Gabriel is less of a dick, but still somewhat a dick." He said nodding at the accurecy of his statements. "Then there's Anna, she's a year younger than I am, rebellious, lesbian, cut off from the family due to religious reasons. She hates me because I wasn't cut off after everyone found out I was gay. I don't blame her, but she could have gone about it better. And then there's the youngest, Samandriel, I call him Alfie after his middle name though. Just easier." He said nodding. 

He didn't like thinking about Alfie. The kid had it hard, having to be a perfect imprint of their mother, who had forced them all to call her Naomi since their tenth birthdays. 

"My mother, or as she liked to be called, Naomi, is a raging cunt. I've never hated a person more than I hate my mother, and that's saying something because my father was an alcoholic piece of shit that walked out on us after Alfie was born." Cas shook himself out of his rant quickly, not wanting to overwhelm Dean, who was leaning in listening intently.

"Your dad sounds a lot like my dad." He said with a laugh. "Or as he likes to be called, "Sir"" He added with a roll of his eyes. 

"Your father should have stayed." Cas stated simply before looking down at his burger. "Sorry, that was... Out of line. I only mean, your father shouldn't have left you ten years ago. I don't know what happened, I've only heard the tail end of conversations, but from what I've seen you and your brother are amazing people, and he shouldn't have left."

Dean got quiet then, he tossed the other half of his burger into the bag and leaned back, eyeing Cas blankly.

"Thanks." He said shortly. 

Cas nodded before looking out the windshield again.

Nice going, dick. 

Shut the fuck UP!

He screamed at himself inside his head as Dean started the Impala. They drove back to Bobby's in silence, not even the radio was on to help Cas through it. Once there, Dean walked in, waved to Sam, who waved back with furrowed eyebrows as Dean went to his bedroom shutting the door and locking it. 

Cas did the same, he laid on his bed thinking about everything and soon he was drifting to sleep.

\-------------

Hands.

Hands gripping him and pressing him into the mattress. Hips pounding into him roughly. Angrily. 

Fergus.

"How fucking dare you." He growled. "How fucking dare you leave me. You're nothing, Castiel. You're mine, you always will be mine, you will always come crawling back so I can fuck you like this." He pushed harder inside of him. 

Cas cried out.

He screamed.

Nothing came, no sound, only muffled cries from behind the big hand holding him down. 

Hands.

Hands gripping around his throat pressing the air out of him, he choked, and screamed as loud as he could.

Hands.

Hands shaking him.

"Cas! Cas? Cas, buddy you're dreaming, wake up!" 

Dean? 

Cas sat up quickly, almost headbutting Dean in the process, he was breathing heavily clutching his throat, and then he cried. He brought his knees to his chest and he sobbed into them, he looked at the doorway. Bobby and Sam stood there with concerned looks on their faces, but Dean. Dean sat on the bed, an arm draped over Cas's shoulder as he choked on his own tears. 

He didn't hear what Dean had said. Only faintly registered the clicking of his bedroom door and the dip of his mattress. Dean's arm was on him again. He didn't shy away this time, he curled into the other mans chest and cried.

Dean was talking about something, Cas couldn't really hear him. He only heard Fergus in the back of his mind.

"You will always come crawling back."

"Always." 

\-------------

The night was rough. Dean had left around midnight when Castiel had cursed at him and told him to leave. He didn't know what came over him, only that he needed to be alone to think about how he was going to be alone for the rest of his life, alone with no one but Fergus to keep him company. Fergus and his slaps and his punches and his rough hands. Castiel locked himself in his bedroom, not leaving, not eating, not even sleeping. Only staring at the ceiling in silence.

A light knock came at around 3 in the afternoon.

"Castiel? It's Sam. I just wanted to see if you were okay." Castiel pushed himself off of his bed and to the door he unlocked it slowly and opened it to see the tall figure of Dean's younger brother staring down at him with those concerned puppy dog eyes and those eyebrows that seemed to knit together whenever there was a sign of trouble. He opened it a little further letting Sam in. 

"I'm alright." Castiel said as Sam set a small plate of foot on the nightstand. "Just... Tired, I guess." 

"I bet. You had a rough night, but it's alright. We were all talking, and we don't want you to feel like, embarrassed or whatever, it's not a big deal. Everyone gets nightmares sometimes." 

Cas shook his head. 

"I'm not embarrassed. I'm only preparing myself for my bitter life as a lonely broken man with no where to go." He blurted out angrily before he could stop himself. Sam's face looked hurt, albeit confused. He stepped forward, but then thought better of it and stepped back again.

"I'm... You have a place to go." Sam said simply, not angry, not cocky, only confidence in his voice. "It's here." He added before stepping out and closing the door behind him. 

Cas sat on the edge of his bed and sighed heavily shaking his head and raking his hands through his hair. "Fuck." He said quietly to himself before laying back on his bed and clutching a pillow.

He sighed angrily at himself, considering going out into the kitchen and apologizing to Sam for being such a dick. 

He stayed in his bed, and thought about his failures for hours on end until the sun went down at he heard the faint sound of Dean playing ACDC in the room next door. 


	3. R U Mine?

Dean threw the wrench across the garage angrily. "Fuck." He said to himself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, dammit." 

He kicked the stool over and leaned on the hood of his car. 

"Are you okay?" A small voice from the doorway asked timidly.

"Yeah, Sam. I'm good." He sighed. 

Sam stepped into the garage looking at the broken glass on the floor. "What happened?" He asked biting his lip and rocking back onto his heels. 

"Nothing." Dean growled.

"Ah, yes, I also tend to throw glass bottles and wrenches in the garage where my beloved car is parked just for shits and giggles." Sam with a smile playing at his lips. 

He's right you know.

Yeah.

Talk to him.

My life has been reduced to a chick flick on wheels. 

He turned around and sat on the hood of his Impala. "I kinda have a thing for Cas." Dean stated bluntly, before zoning out and remembering the night before.

He heard a whimper from the room next door and sat up immediately. The whimper turned into a shout.

"No, NO. GET OFF OF ME." Cas's voice was wrecked and broken and Dean could hear the springs of the mattress giving way to his tossing and turning. He pushed himself off his bed and opened his door. The screams died down for a minute or two, but Dean stayed still outside of Cas's bedroom door, listening intently. That's when the screams came. Bloodcurdling and loud, he heard Cas screaming at the top of his lungs. 

He tried the knob, locked. He didn't need a key, he was Dean fuckin' Winchester, B&E extraordinaire. He hustled to his room grabbing the lock pick from his nightstand and pushing himself to Cas's door again, he got it open within seconds, before he heard the grunt of Bobby behind him.

"Don't even say it, Bobby." He said angrily before opening the door. Sam was sleepily walking out of his bedroom now. 

"What's going on?" He asked through a yawn. 

Dean sat on the edge of the bed. "Cas?" He asked timidly, he had stopped screaming now, his fists were bunched into the sheets, and then he started flailing. 

"NO, NO, NO." He screamed repeatedly. Dean grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard. 

"Cas! Cas? Cas, buddy you're dreaming, wake up!" 

Blue tear stained eyes opened quickly, he sat up, scanned the room and brought his knees to his chest. Dean stood from the bed and walked to the door.

"He's fine, I got it just go back to bed." Bobby gave him a pointed look. "Bobby, quit looking at me like that." 

Both he and Sam walked out of the room and Dean shut the door gently. He stepped to the bed again and slung his arm over Cas. 

"Hey, man, it's okay. You're okay now, you're safe." He said, his voice was oddly reassuring for the lack of confidence he had. He held the other man close as he sobbed, "You know, when I was younger I used to have nightmares about my mom leaving. My dad told Sammy she had died, he still thinks there was some house fire when we were little, but I know. I watched her pack her things in a big suitcase, write a letter to my dad and kiss me on the head. She told me it wasn't my fault, but I always thought it was. I'm sorry." He shook his head, he didn't even think Cas was listening to him anymore. 

Suddenly Cas was shouting at him. "Get out. Get out now. I don't want you in here get out." He shoved Dean off the bed and flung himself back, Dean nodded and obeyed attempting to keep his composure. He closed the door gently and walked to his own room, slumped onto his bed and thought about his mother. How her dirty blonde hair looked when she was crying in the kitchen. He was only 4, he barely understood any of the shit that was happening, but he knew his mom wasn't going to come home any time soon. 

Sam's voice pulled him out of his flashback. "Yeah, we know. Bobby and I, I mean." Sam said with his stupid confident voice, Dean pushed himself off the hood and turned to his brother.

"You don't know shit." He said with a smile playing on his lips. Secretly he was glad he had a brother that knew him like the back of his hand, but he would never admit it out loud. 

"It's the way you look at him or whatever. I mean I know you guys went to school together but are you sure there's not more to that story?" Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean chucked an empty can at his head.

"Shut up, get lost bitch." 

"Jerk." He said with a laugh before leaving the garage. 

 

\-------------

When Dean got back into the house, Cas's door was still closed and locked. He thought about breaking in again but maybe he shouldn't seeing as the last time he did that he got screamed at by the guy. He knocked gently, and heard the bed springs groan and footsteps to the door. The click of a lock and it was open. 

Cas looked tired, like he hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. And seeing as he probably never went back to sleep after that incident last night he really hadn't. But he nodded at Dean and opened the door motioning for him to come into his bedroom before closing and locking the door gently. 

"I'm sorry about last night." Dean started but Cas held up his hand. 

"No, no. I'm..." He shook his head, looking up to the ceiling and then back to the floor. He straightened his posture and put his hands behind his back, probably a learned position from being with that Fergus douche. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I don't really remember what happened, or what you said, or what I said actually, I was still a bit shell shocked. But it was uncalled for and I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that." He said finally. 

Dean stepped toward him. "Hey, chill, it's fine." He said putting a gentle hand on Cas's shoulder. He shied away again. Dean will have to be more careful. He'll have to retrain Cas into believing that not every touch is going to hurt him. He cleared his throat. "I shouldn't have just come in here talking about my life to make you feel better, it was stupid." Cas was looking at him now

"What did you say? Last night I mean." Cas said, concern in his eyes. 

"I was just... talking about my mom and shit. Shit I shouldn't be bringing up anymore, hell I'm 23 years old I shouldn't be crying about my mom anymore." 

Cas stepped forward now, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. It felt more than friendly, it felt like a gentle reminder that they were both broken grown men and it was alright to not be alright. 

Dean turned around and sat on the side of Cas's bed. Cas followed.

"Like I said, Dean. I wasn't really myself last night. I didn't mean anything that I may have said. You can tell me anything, anything you want to. I'll listen." He said leaning in to meet Dean's gaze intensely. 

 

\-------------

_February 4th, 1983._

_"Mommy?" Dean said, his sock monkey trailing behind him and his superman pajamas wrinkled around his tiny body._

_His mother stood in the kitchen by the table. She looked like she was crying, but mommies aren't supposed to cry. Dean walked up to her, crawled onto the chair next to the one she was sitting at and placed a hand on her cheek._

_"Don't cry, mommy, I beat all the bad feelins up." He said, his little chest puffing out and his brows furrowing together in a grimace._

_"Oh, sweetie. Thank you." She said through tiny gasps, fighting for composure._

_Dean crawled onto her lap and looked down at the page, it was filled with marks he didn't really understand yet. "Mommy are you writin' a story?" He said excitedly clapping his hands together._

_"No, honey. Mommy's just writing daddy a letter."_

_"But why are you doin' that he will be home soon!" He said turning around to face his mother, green eyes confused and wondering._

_"I know. But mommy won't be here anymore." Dean furrowed his brows again._

_"But why not?"_

_"Mommy is leaving." Dean's face fell ever so slightly. He wrapped his short little arms around his mothers neck and kissed her cheek._

_"Can I come too? We can take Sammy and we can go on a trip." He said with an innocent smile._

_"No, baby, mommy has to go alone." She said, tears filling her eyes again. "I love you, D. I'll always love you, don't you ever forget that." She whispered pressing her lips to his forehead. It felt wet, and Dean didn't understand why. Was mommy crying again? No. Mommy can't cry. Mommies don't cry._

_Then she took him up to his bedroom, told him they were going to play a game. Dean loved games. He sat on his bed and closed his eyes and his mother left._

_Mary grabbed the keys to her tiny rented car, and shoved her bags in the back. She climbed inside and drove away and Dean never saw her again._

 

\-------------

Cas's eyes, almost to blue, were staring directly into Dean's as Dean finished his story. Before Dean knew it arms were around him. 

"I'm so sorry." Cas was whispering in his ear. "I'm so sorry she left you and I'm so sorry you had to grow up without knowing why." 

Dean snaked his arms around Cas's torso gently, pulling him closer. He felt comfortable like this. 

"Yeah. I'm fine, you know. I'm good." Dean said nodding his head. "Look, don't tell Sam. He thinks she's dead. Dad told him there was some stupid fuckin' house fire and made me swear to keep it from him. I don't want him to know." 

Cas smiled sadly as he pulled away and nodded. "Of course. I won't tell a soul." He said.

And Dean believed him, which was strange. Dean didn't just go around trusting strangers he's only known for a couple of days. Hell, he's hung out with the guy once, and they barely got to know each other before he felt too awkward to continue the conversation. Dean sighed. 

"Look, if you ever have another nightmare or even if you just don't want to sleep alone my door is always open. I'm serious, I'm not being weird or anything, but just come whenever you feel like you need to. Or even if you just want to." Dean said running his fingers through his hair and nodding before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. 

 -------------

That night Cas couldn't sleep. He could only feel the darkness surrounding him and it felt so much like the hard arms of Fergus, he tossed and turned and then he heard Dean's voice in the back of his mind.

"Even if you just want to." 

Cas made a split second decision, he pushed himself off his bed and walked into the hall and to Deans door, it was cracked slightly, probably an invitation, or maybe just the way Dean liked to sleep. Cas didn't know. Cas didn't know anything about this man, actually. 

He pushed it open and stepped inside closing the door quietly and looking at Dean. 

He looked peaceful. The wrinkles on his face were calm and his eyelashes made shadows on his cheeks. His mouth was hanging open ever so slightly, and he looked pale in the moonlight.

Cas smiled, looking at Dean quietly before leaning down.

"Dean? I can't sleep." He said laying a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean stirred, he looked up at Cas with foggy green eyes and smiled, scooting over and pulling his sheets back. "Come on." He said hoarsely, his voice was still low from sleeping. 

Cas laid on the bed and Dean covered him up carefully, before turning his back to him. He began snoring softly, and Cas fell asleep to the sound of his breathing. 

The darkness didn't feel so bad in here, not until he felt and arm around him. But he wasn't dreaming, he opened his eyes and saw the calloused hand of Dean. 

He smiled to himself feeling Dean pressed against him, and snuggled deeper into the blankets and pillows and fell asleep again, safe in the arms of Dean Winchester. 

Cas woke up again to the sound of bed springs, and something hard against his back. Oh, god. Dean. 

He felt Deans hips stutter slightly against him and Cas pushed into it instead of shying away like he would have with anyone else. He bit his lip as Dean groaned in his sleep, he felt the other mans pajama bottoms slip slightly, revealing the tip of Deans cock against Cas's back. Cas stifled a moan of his own as he felt his cock harden quicker than it ever has. Dean's cock was leaking, leaving tiny streaks of precome down Cas's back. For a moment, Cas thought of waking Dean up. He thought of waking Dean up and telling him that it was fine, it was only natural. But now Cas was hard as well and fuck did he enjoy the feel of Dean's length against his back, grinding away. 

Cas turned over onto his back suddenly, moving up the bed slightly and feeling Dean sling his arm around Cas once more. Dean moved his leg as well, still humping away, until finally he was on top of Cas. Cas groaned and closed his eyes feeling Dean's hip pressing against his cock, moving ever so slightly and giving Cas the best friction the world had to offer. He decided this was probably the moment he should wake the other man up. 

He opened his eyes to see sleepy green ones staring down at him. Cas bit his lip and groaned, feeling Dean move sideways so their cocks were pressed against each other. He leaned down with a smirk playing on his lips. Cas couldn't tell if he liked sleeping Dean more or gentle playful awake Dean, with his hands roaming around Cas's body and down his chest and... Oh. Yes. Awake Dean is much better. 

He pressed his palm against Cas's length and pushed his bottoms down his thighs before doing the same with his own and grabbing both of their cocks in on hand. 

Cas looked down and groaned, he loved Dean's skin, the feel of Dean's hand, the wetness leaking out of the tips of both of their cocks and mixing together on Cas's stomach. He rolled his hips up into Dean's hand, and was rewarded with a low groan and Dean's head falling back against his shoulders. 

"Fuck." The green eyed man whispered before moving his hand up both of their lengths. He reached down with his free hand and ran his fingers through Cas's hair gently. That was the most anyone had ever really touched him while having some sort of sex with him. Cas bit his lip hard, fighting back the urge to cry out and thrust into Dean's hand. 

Before Cas had the time to say anything or do anything or even make a noise Dean was leaning down pressing his lips to Cas', hard, but still so gentle and soft and chaste. His hand quickened and he rubbed the tip of both of their cocks, spreading the warmth of precome down their shafts together and Dean was coming. Cas moaned into his mouth, feeling the heat trickle down his own cock and he came seconds afterward panting against Dean's skin. 

Cas opened his eyes to find his cock hard and leaking in his pajama pants. Dean's back was still to him and Cas stifled a groan as he pushed himself from the bed quickly, rushing to the bathroom to take care of his... Problem. 


End file.
